DisgraceBook

So having always been delusional, imagine my horror when I discover that my paranoia is occasionally (and with increasing frequency) well-founded. Take FaceBook, for instance: Turns out they're as rife with double-speak as Orwell predicted of media moguls:

Says Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, "Facebook has maintained it is committed to striking a balance between respecting user privacy while facilitating the sharing of information."

What that means is, they ARE going to share your information. Look out, Big Brother's broadcasting your bike lock combination ...

“If they were sincere about privacy, the default mode for everything would be the minimal amount of sharing, and if you wish to share more you would opt in to doing that,” said John M. Simpson, consumer advocate for Consumer Watchdog. “I don’t think we have any reason to trust the company now based on their past record. There’s a pretty clear need for federal oversight at the FTC.”*

In fact, the first ethically dubious practice was established at its inception, when Zuckerberg hacked into secured Harvard databases, enabling fellow students to ridicule unattractive coeds by voting on side-by-side comparisons of their photos.

Caveat venditor. Seller beware.

*eWeek.com: http://www.eweek.com/c/a/Security/Grading-Facebooks-Privacy-Changes-214036/

Viral Trial

I don't know FB very well yet, but those links that tell ya, Must join this site to view this joke, are highly suspect. And yet, as these new features emerge, how is the public to know right from wrong, except by trial and error? Somewhere, in the mists of time, a very brave man had to be the first to sample an oyster. Another, less celebrated in his day, contributed to posterity that poison ivy is not appropriate as a salad green. Whether you live to enjoy accolades or die amid ridicule too often depends on the whims of Fate.

Tough Luck -- er, Love

Sometimes, you gotta make the tough decisions. Other times, the tough decisions are not that tough. :-)

RuthlessBurgher

So even someone who doesn't follow sports, or celebrity gossip, can't avoid the radio chatter about certain cultural sensations -- and when a punchline slaps a cartoonist like a locker room throw-down -- well, that's when magic happens.

What cartoonist can resist the Ben Roethlisberger fiasco? After all, I still regret passing on Big Ben's helmet-less traffic blitz, when my wife guessed my first thought: "Darwinism at work. Oh, he's gonna pull through? Darwinism at leisure, then."

What's this have to do with Control+Alt+Deplete, you ask?

Illusions of anonymity, security and privacy are all dispelled when reality crashes into our digital metaphor. Viruses, fisching, Trojan Horses: these used to be references to the physical world.

Similarly, all those weirdos creeping the streets are creeping the Internet too -- and though we should know better, whether at the sports bar or the toolbar, we let down our guard for a familiar avatar.

Thank goodness for the Block-this-Freakazoid feature.

You Lose Snooze, You Lose

Like I said, sometimes you give up on sleep. But then again, other times, sleep gives up on you.

Time Clock Block

Despite being a vehicle for us busy workaholics and freelancers and parents to stay in touch with friends as we hurtle headlong through our hectic lives, social networking sure requires a lot of that free time we don't have -- once again, we cash in our only reserve: sleep.

Tridentity Theft

Are you as freaked out by identity theft as I am? If you are, this phobia kept you from reconnecting with your long lost college pals. Thanks to Tam and Tony Schiffbauer who held my hands so I could dip my toe in before taking the plunge. Marco! Seriously, Marco, are you on FB yet? I haven't talked to you in ages.

Resistance is Puerile

If you're like me, you feared the Facebook phenomenon at first. After all, you just recovered from that YouTube coma! After oodles of invitations from family and friends, you eventually gave in -- then you wondered what took you so long. So who needs sleep, I can finally chat with my globetrotting cousins again!